blogs can wilt

looking over this space i created to detail my journey, my last entry i produced was the 11th of july. how long ago that was! over a month indeed! and i am realizing that maybe i have hesitations about coming to this space because it seems so much more of an effort than i originally thought it to be. for my trip in indonesia, i have not really been writing much or using a camera either. i kind of have just been letting my experiences continuously wash over me, forgetting some until later when they unexpectedly appear. and its strange to remember experiences when all your current experiences are so fresh and new too. as though i cannot decipher between which is more exciting becasue all these new memories are grounded in a country still so so new to me. and even though i have been here for a little over two months, i can feel a sort of home-feeling cultivating within me so much so that some things are occuring out of habit.

currently i have some down time before starting the next rather large phase of my travels. i am in bandung with linda, the teacher i will be working with (in the village of Pasawahan) for the next 3 months. we basically have been staying in her parents house and i really havent had the chance to explore much of bandung so instead i have been exploring the internet. seeing what my friends have been doing on facebook. thinking about america from a more outside perspective. and also thinking about myself from an outside perspective. really have been rasising questions like "what do i really want to do?" as this dettachment from school really allows one to think about future plans and positions inthe world. i have decided however to stick with forestry at berkeley (i was doubting it before because it required classes i had no interest in taking) but now im seeing how having a degree like that can help me mobilize myself into positions promising for traveling to indonesia or othe rcountries through the field of forests, agriculture, the creation of space, and traditions revolved around forests. who knows how scientific i will get with foresty after berkeley, but i do believe i will be able to do so much more in exchange for the completeion of classes i have less of an interest in. my desire to continue this sense of independence too, im thinking, will help me use my life-time and its ticking seconds more efficiently, more charged with energy (not because i worry my time is fleeting, but because i desire to be so complete and active with my life and time! life my life for stories, you know?) i feel as though i have so many friends that excel at taking advatnage of their time, but im still such a new student in that field. i really want to live life to its fullest extent. taste every ingredient in every bite. and yet not have attachments to trying to remember everything but instead collecting subconsciously the thesis, main points, and emotions of the experience and harevsting them into some delicious honey later to use in the tea i drink when i find sitting to be more pleasureable. right now, i want to run! climb! jump! swim! be thrown by waves, feel confused, raw, youthful really. and i want that dynamism to continue for quite awhile. i want to nourish myself with uncertainty for a change. because while i was in school, everything seemed so predictable, so planned (especially with the very strict curiculum of foresty). but now, through indonesia, i am recharged, and in a sense reborn and very uncertain about a lot of things. expect, that is, my love for the relationships i have made with my friends and family. i want to continute growing my family! being in indonesia, especially with the dominant religion of Islam, makes me see so much how large communities/families can be through religion. entire neighborhoods label themselves as a family. so different when compared to the segregation of households in america. i desire to maintain the large webbing, vinning, mushroom mycelium mass i have cultivated between you, myself, and the new souls i am meeting in indonesia. how beautiful to know that i have friends (and families) in a country originally foreign to me. that when i am back in america, i can think about all these people i originally did not know exsisted. how mind expanding! how nourishing too. and this realization comes with language, and the relationships i have formed in a different tongue. how some people dont know me with english. amazing!

these are more poetic rambles. i promise my future posts will become more grounded in the actual physical experiences i am having. and with that being said, i think i will use this blog less and instead send out a very condensed email every now and then with what i am doing in indonesia. this blog therefore will become more of a poetic space where i can go off into tangents so much that trigonometry cannot follow me! ya? okay. really quick though i will summarize some things:

the past month definitely picked up speed. the classes got harder, more intense, and i also participated in the Islamic holiday Ramadhan, which occurs all of august. if you dont know about this holiday, google it! i am in love with the idea of it. everyone fasts for the entire month of Ramadhan, only eating at 3 am (before the sun rises) and after 5 30 (after the sun sets). this long period of hunger helps remind those that their are other people who do not have enough money or access to food and suffer much longer without food or water (yes, i did not eat or drink too! difficult at first but totally possible). by having those experiences, i have become so much more grateful food food and also for eating together with others. this holiday really unites every one in thr country with hunger. for example, two hours before you get to eat dinner is a period named Ngabuburit where people get together, play games, talk, hang out in order to distract themselves from hunger. and then when its time to eat dinner, you then get to open the fasting period with those people. with your friends and family. you get to taste and drink food together after such long periods. and the experience holds so much more meaning. so yes, it was difficult for me while learning Indonesian because there are periods when you feel weak or have a slight headache but i persisted for 12 days (until the end of my very intense languaage learning period) before going to Bali with another student from the CLS program to learn about Balinese agriculture while also having a change to pig out on the most delicious food ever! and fresh juice! while taking trips to beaches and monkey forests. what a great way to reward myself for all the hard work put into CLS. and now, i can communicate so much better. i can follow what people say to me more than speak back to them, but thats still really empowering. you should see the faces of Indonesians when they realize you can speak indonesian. they usually say youre already fluent (lancar) and smart (pintar) to be polite, but really it makes them so happy to see foreigners learning their language; the country of indonesian has such a commitment to learning english so i feel as though we from the CLS program and others show too that Americans are making efforts to learn their language too. such a beautiful thing! although there were a vew problems with the CLS program, i am happy to report that overall it helped me advance myself SO much! and im really happy with how i spent my summer. now my fall will have an entirely new direction and focus in the academic sense. and the teaching sense. i get to use my creative skills and come up with fun ways to teach middle and high school students english. im nervous just a little bit but think its out of giddyness but i am sure that will turn into confidence soon. at the village i wont have too much access to internet (only a little bit) but i will be able to receive emails so please email me! bohemgreenrf@berkeley.edu to talk. really, i will be able to respond because im thinking that the village will be quite slow at times. i will respond!

okay, now to start the next activity. but im loving you! and look for my emails in your inbox. im going to bogor in 2 days to meet with the folks from the institute i will be interning at (SAINS) while also meeting with Oji (a professors former PhD (now doctor!) from indonesia who helped me get this internship and who introduced me to the land reform movement in west java!). im excited to say the least! and to try and form relationships to these people in Indonesian. wish me luck! i wish you the world to share with others and make beautiful moments!

breathe (and type fast!),

ray
xoxox